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 Last weekend, I run a workshop on building self esteem. We had a wonderful day of discovering and assessing our esteem levels and how we could go about building our sense of self worth. My group were able to make some powerful shifts in their thinking and set themselves new ways of building on their new discovered worth.

Having a healthy balanced view of our value, strengths and weaknesses is fundamental to our well being and forming and building healthy relationships. When our self esteem is low, we tend to make choices based on our ‘badness’ rather than what is right and good for us. This is because it is difficult to make healthy decisions when we don’t feel we have a right to anything good because we believe we are ‘not good enough’. Healthy self esteem has nothing to do with our behaviours, abilities or how well we perform a task and is not dependant on our shape, size and appearance. Self esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves deep within our core; it is what we base our self worth on.

As I am a Christian, I build my identity and worth on my faith but for those of you who do not share my beliefs, it is important that you can still recognise your value. Let me ask you a question: How much worth would you place on someone you loved very dearly and how much worth would they place on you? The answer I receive from all my participants is that they are priceless to each other.

I also ask another important question, could you or they be replaced? If I could take you up to the moon for a day or so and try and find someone identical to you on earth, would I find you? The answer is simply no. So in summary, what we have discovered here is that you are a one off rare gem – priceless and unique.

When you know deep inside you have value (and not just on an intellectual level!), it will be easier for you to take care of your needs and deal with those who find it hard to respect you. Instead of feeling guilty and ashamed, you will know that you are entitled to spend some time doing things you love, it’s Ok to meet up with your friends, it is good to take an evening off and it is extremely good for you to be loved in a way that doesn’t hurt.

Written by Joanne Robinson Copyright 2009 Donna Intera

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I can’t believe it’s been 6 months since I moved from London to Norfolk and the change has been brilliant for my sense of well being and having that sense of ‘fit’. I’ve made it a goal to visit as many towns and places of interest in Norfolk as I can, which is quite a change for me. I never felt that motivated to make the most of visiting places of interest in London, probably because at heart I am not a city girl, but out here, I can’t wait to jump in my little car, (I have affectionally called ‘Spice’ she’s red and quite a nippy little car) and take to the country roads.

Today, I took a short 30 minute drive to Fakenham, there was not much to see but I found a lovely little hotel coffee shop to take a light lunch break. Seating was tight and I noted a space next to a lady eating alone. I waited to see if she had company and then asked her if I could sit at her table.

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Note:

Finding joy in being single and having a full and content life and keep you from choosing Mr Wrong. Have fun and stay safe!

It wasn’t long before we got chatting about city and country life and what we both do for a living. That sparked up a lively conversation about being single and how much fun we were having. We were two kindred spirits that had worked past the fear of eating out alone, and not embarrassed by the stares of couples and groups who thought it odd that we could do such a thing.

It got us talking about society’s expectations about women’s roles and perhaps that of single women, or singles in general. Why do people stare at women who venture out and do something alone? Must we always travel in packs, with children or with a partner at ourside?

We had both decided to go out and enjoy a coffee with some good reading material and from that, two strangers had an enjoyable converstation about our contentment and freedom as singles, plus the added bonus to network.

I have not arrived at being single and doing things with such ease overnight. Six years ago, I attempted to dine alone in the busy city centre of Old Street, London and felt so self concious at the stares of was receiving from couples and singles at the bar, I couldn’t wait to leave. Ok, perhaps a few of those were interested guys but I am sure I would not had sparked so much curiosity if I was seated with someone.

God has taught me to embrace life where I find it. Having moved to Norfolk, I am learning to step out, meet new people and make new friends. I am challenged to see what I can do rather than focus on being afraid to be out here by myself away from all that is familiar to me. In doing so, I am learning that I can do a lot more than I thought I could.

I know many women are bored with their life but are afraid to go out, grab life by the ears and get involved in things they love to do and enjoy themselves. Lack of friends or the want to find a husband before they do anything gives them the horrible lonely feeling of emptiness.

Friendships and husbands don’t get delivered by the postman, they come when we start embracing and enjoying life. God asks as to look at what is in our hand today, so what if it is ‘dinner for one’? Enjoy the meal and look at what you can start doing to make your life more whole and enjoyable, good things happen when you are making the most of what you got!

hesjustnothatinto1I’ve read the book and not they have made the film! Something I will be definitely going to watch. From the writers’ of Sex and the City ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ sheds some light on the kind of guys that are unavailable, for whatever reason, so that women don’t fall into the trap of waiting and hoping and trying to hard to make a guy pursue or fall in love with her.

The film premiers in UK on the 9th February 09, be glad to hear your views and stories!

I was encouraged to hear that a good friend of mine and fellow Life Skills Coach, has decided use my book When Loving Him Means Hurting Me at a women’s recovery house wher she works. She will be reading a devotional a day and has asked me whether I will be following this up with a work book. That is on the agenda but I am not sure how long it is going to take to write.

However, each devotional ends with a series of reflective questions and feedback from readers has been encouraging! Let us pray that the book makes a difference in these women’s lives!