Last weekend, I run a workshop on building self esteem. We had a wonderful day of discovering and assessing our esteem levels and how we could go about building our sense of self worth. My group were able to make some powerful shifts in their thinking and set themselves new ways of building on their new discovered worth.

Having a healthy balanced view of our value, strengths and weaknesses is fundamental to our well being and forming and building healthy relationships. When our self esteem is low, we tend to make choices based on our ‘badness’ rather than what is right and good for us. This is because it is difficult to make healthy decisions when we don’t feel we have a right to anything good because we believe we are ‘not good enough’. Healthy self esteem has nothing to do with our behaviours, abilities or how well we perform a task and is not dependant on our shape, size and appearance. Self esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves deep within our core; it is what we base our self worth on.

As I am a Christian, I build my identity and worth on my faith but for those of you who do not share my beliefs, it is important that you can still recognise your value. Let me ask you a question: How much worth would you place on someone you loved very dearly and how much worth would they place on you? The answer I receive from all my participants is that they are priceless to each other.

I also ask another important question, could you or they be replaced? If I could take you up to the moon for a day or so and try and find someone identical to you on earth, would I find you? The answer is simply no. So in summary, what we have discovered here is that you are a one off rare gem – priceless and unique.

When you know deep inside you have value (and not just on an intellectual level!), it will be easier for you to take care of your needs and deal with those who find it hard to respect you. Instead of feeling guilty and ashamed, you will know that you are entitled to spend some time doing things you love, it’s Ok to meet up with your friends, it is good to take an evening off and it is extremely good for you to be loved in a way that doesn’t hurt.

Written by Joanne Robinson Copyright 2009 Donna Intera

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